Low sexual desire is a more common problem than you think, although many couples keep it behind closed doors. A recent study found that 36% of women and 31% of men have low sexual desire, with increases starting at age 40.
This problem is commonly reflected in marriages. “The typical patient says they were having sex before marriage and newlyweds, but after a few years, for no reason, there is no more sexual desire,” explains Dr. Bruce Carr, from the University of Texas, in the United States.
Low sexual desire not only affects the person who suffers from it and the relationship, but also the couple, who sees their sexual desires unsatisfied, feels rejected and can see their self-esteem affected.
What causes low sexual desire?
- According to some doctors, it is after the age of 40 that a couple's sexual life begins to deteriorate.
- Low sexual desire can have its origins in physical and psychological reasons. The stress of modern life negatively impacts sexual relationships. Therefore, the main causes of low sexual desire are depression and fatigue.
- Resentment is another cause of low sexual desire. Anger at your partner for arguing, for being too dominant, too passive, or for feeling like they ignore your needs, decreases attraction and, therefore, the desire to have sex.
- Old traumas, such as having been a victim of sexual abuse or bad experiences from the past, can resurface and lower sexual appetite, sometimes without knowing it.
- Among the physical reasons are male impotence caused by health problems, pain in the genital areas due to infections, wounds, low endocrine levels or some other factor.
- When these are the causes, it is advisable to go to the doctor to seek appropriate treatment because, in addition to affecting the relationship, they can also have other consequences on health.
Why is it important to recover sexual desire?
- Sex is an expression of feelings towards another, which is why it constitutes a fundamental part of the relationship.
- Sex is a very important part of the relationship. Feelings towards others, and even towards oneself, depend largely on sex. Even for older couples, sex is a way to share, be intimate, and enjoy together.
- Some people think that not having sex is okay and that a relationship can be built on other activities that are shared as a couple. The truth is that if you both have the same feeling and there is a sincere agreement about it, perhaps it is possible. Talking and communicating needs is important to find solutions together.
- You may also think that you are fine without sex, but when you look at the past and remember that sex was something that was enjoyed and that brought a couple closer, it is easy to see how important sex is for a better relationship. The daily dynamics of the relationship improve when the sexual dynamic is active and satisfying.
What to do to eliminate low sexual desire?
- In the presence of doubts or physiological factors that prevent sex, consulting a specialist will always be the best option.
- If you notice that there is a physical cause, such as impotence or pain, it is always best to rule out any illness. As we have seen, some physical ailments can play an important role in sexual desire. Therefore, a medical evaluation will allow us to rule out these possibilities.
Talk to your partner
- Communicate your needs to him and ask him about his. Talking openly about failures and expectations, as well as trying to find a solution between the two of you, committing to working on improving the relationship, can be the best solution to any problem.
Visit a couples therapist
- Third-party help, especially if it is professional, helps find solutions. In this way, a therapist, at the couple level and even at the individual level, will help you find the causes of low sexual desire and revive the relationship.
Find moments of intimacy with your partner
- Rekindling the flames and seeking new moments of intimacy can start with romantic activities that you both enjoy.
- Sometimes the hardest thing is to take the first step. The abstinence routine is comfortable but dangerous. Caress your partner, look for points of attraction and try to lovingly force a return to those moments of intimacy.
Experience new things
- If low sex drive is caused by boredom, try exploring new positions and experimenting with unfulfilled sexual desires. Discover new sexual interests together for extra motivation.
Break away from fear
- It may be that after a long time without having sex with your partner you feel some fear in approaching them. Sex can seem like something strange. If so, start small.
Revive the relationship
- Surely if the relationship is low or non-existent in sexual activity, it most likely is in other aspects. Maybe you get along well personally, but you don't share other things in life that are normal as a couple. Make a date to go out to dinner or dance, plan some of those activities you enjoyed together in the past.
- Recovering common things and enjoying them together will help regain attraction and sexual desire.
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